A Glimpse Into The Crazy...

Editor's Note:  A Glimpse Into The Crazy will be a re-occurring feature which will provide an introspective look into the minds of women...I know it's scary but someone has to blog about it.

Cosmopolitan magazine may be the least bro publication known to man but as it is the bible of babes in this country it may be noteworthy to glance at on occasion.  You probably just finished reading that statement thinking "I'm done with this homo blog."  Patience is a virtue homie so slow your roll before you close out and renounce Gatsby's Corner for life.  Like me, most of you gentlemen reading this have more than likely dated some broad who can't live without her Cosmo and probably left that shit on your coffee table.  Having been in this scenario I've looked at the magazine just to see what the fuck could be so damn important that this bitch packs like 3 issues to the beach at a time.  What I found in the pages of Cosmo is just how insane women are and that the depths of their depravity knows no bounds.  Case and point I was at Barnes and Noble today and I saw a girl reading a Cosmo with her eyes popping out of her head like she just found the lost city of Atlantis.  Of course nothing in a woman's magazine could possibly be of any significance unless it was regarding new recipes to practice in the kitchen or in the sack so I just laughed and thought to myself "Dumb."  I noticed a blurb on the cover that stated "3 Weird Signs He's Into You."  I dare say I picked up the copy and flipped through until I found said article.  It boggles me when chicks think they know a bro is into them because as we all know girls have smaller brains, it's science, so they can't possibly know such things.  Of course I was right.  Below are the 3 weird signs chick's will think that a dude is into them.  Enjoy and take note of the crazy.

• He Orders the Steak:  According to Cosmo a dude orders a steak over pasta because he is trying to impress the girl by ordering the manliest/machoest item on the menu.  Guess what assholes at Cosmo...you know why I order a steak?  Because it's God damn delicious that's why.  If I want to impress a chick it sure as shit will not have anything to do with what I order at dinner.  Now order yourself a salad I don't want your dinner affecting that ass sweetheart.
• He Starts Talking Like You:  " A man will unknowingly mimic how you talk to seem more likable."  Newsflash:  I've been talking like an asshole for the better part of a decade and that shit hasn't changed with the girls I dated.  You can go ahead and ask them and there's a good chance the term's asshole, douche bag, and dickhead will be mentioned.  If a guy starts talking like a girl he's got bigger things to worry about than it being a weird sign he likes you.  The only weird sign is that he probably likes dudes.
• His Mind Goes Blank:  "When a guy is attracted to a woman, he'll concentrate so much brain power on wowing her that he'll temporarily lose his short-term memory."  0 for 3 Cosmo.  You know why dude's minds go blank?  Well there's a few reasons A.) The girl has been rambling inane bullshit for more than 3 minutes forcing any normal dude's brain to check out.  B.)  That smoke show that just walked past us in Victoria's Secret totally blew my mind.  C.)  All I want to do is put a pillow over your face and go to pound town.  At no point does anyone's mind go blank from concentrating too much brain power on a girl.  But by all means ladies take that advice to heart Cosmo may have actually helped the bro cause out with this one because while I'm mentally undressing your roommate you're in lala land thinking my mind went blank because I'm concentrating so much brain power wowing you.