Terminator, Governator, Impregnator

 

At one point in time Arnold  Schwarzenegger was the biggest movie star on the planet.  I remember the first time I watched the Terminator movies and the next time I went to get my haircut I told the stylist I wanted my haircut to be like Arnold's.  The man was an inspiration.  I even had to opportunity to meet him when I was little.  I was on vacation in Key West and I was throwing back virgin pina coladas in the hot tub at the Pier House Resort when the one and only Arnie gets in the tub with me.  I thought I was going to lose my shit.  He was staying at the resort while filming True Lies. 

Fast forward 15 years and once again Arnold has me losing my shit except this time I'm not in a hot tub.  I am however in awe of the fact that the woman above was Arnold's side piece.  Arnold, your girlfriend, WOOF.  Come on maaaan.  You're better than that!  You're the fucking Terminator!  You're the Governator!  Why the fuck is a troll like this even on your staff bro??  It always blows my mind when people of power stoop to these levels.  Sure Maria Shriver is no prize but at least she's a Kennedy.  That clout somewhat makes up for the fact that she looks like skeletor.  I just see these people who can have it all and they go and raw-dog a gorilla.  Bad form.  I pull high quality ass for some reason and I can't imagine what would happen if I had the power of Hollywood behind me.  It would be ludicrous.  Which is why Arnold should be ashamed of himself.  With great power comes the responsibility to only smash great pussy and Arnold you've let us all down.  Shame on you.

Is This Reality?

So last night my allergies were kicking the shit out of me preventing me from passing out and I was up to notice that there are still commercials for "Singles" phone lines.  You know the ones that cost like $10/min to talk to strangers.  Quite a bargain I know.  Anyways it got me thinking are people really that hard up for ass that they have to resort to "Singles" phone lines?  Well this morning I see this gem on the interweb and it seems to reinforce that idea.  Matt Simpson here has taken out an ad on Facebook in search of tail.  I have so many awesome things to say about this.  First off I know not everyone is a bro like me or my friends and has the ability to slay chicks on the reg.  But seriously this is starting to get ridiculous.  The only reason Facebook thrives is so you can do recon and poke chicks already.  If those aren't resources enough for you to get some ass every so often then perhaps you need to re-evaluate your life.  I guess if you need to take out an ad you should at least make that shit appealing.  Like Matt here talks about the "awesome vegetable garden" in his backyard.  You fucking kidding me bro?  A vegetable garden?  That shit is for the birds.  Or this gem "I'd rather talk on the phone than text."  Newsflash dude it's 2011 and bitches love texting.  I'm sure there are some lovely ladies out there who would love to spend hours on the phone with you the reason being is they probably don't have a social life.  Like I'm out doing shit on a nightly basis.  I don't have time for phone calls and neither should anyone under the age of 45.  Matt here went about this thing the wrong way.  Here's a killer ad for you people that can't get laid in real life.  Everything in parentheses is my personal opinion and not part of the ad. 

About Me:  A lot of people go to college for 7 years...(boom your opening line...you make a chick laugh and your in...if she doesn't recognize that as a Tommy Boy quote then she has no sense of humor PASS)

Biography:  Ask around. (keep it mysterious)

Gender:  BRO

Personal Info:  I like to be an asshole on occasion but I'll probably hold the door for you and that other chivalrous shit.  I'd rather text unless you're calling me to have the doorman let you into my building/need bail money/are in the hospital. Sometimes I like to make myself a pitcher of margaritas on a Tuesday afternoon and take a nap on my rooftop.

Personal Interests:  I enjoy sailing my boat more than anything (sailboat = ultimate panty dropper).   Inappropriate amounts of wine and inappropriate conversations.  Chilling with my bro's.  I like to travel as much as possible it makes you a better person when you expand your knowledge of the world.  Sunday Funday.

And there you have it folks I think we have a clear winner.

I'm Back

After a 3 month long hiatus I've decided to return to the world of blogging.  I don't know why I stopped but since Jesus came back from the dead last weekend I feel like I should come back from blogging death and get back in the saddle.  And what better way to celebrate my return to the blogging world than pictures of my favorite train wreck Lindsay Lohan attending her first community service appointment sans bra with her tits just flapping in the wind in a sheer tank top.  She's got 480 hours of community service so one can only hope this is just the start of good things to come.