I haven't left my man-cave since Saturday night. There are two reasons for this. One is that I was as hungover as Charlie Sheen after a night at the Plaza Hotel...I'm not touching Johnnie Walker at least until next weekends round of holiday parties. Second, it's apparently colder than the New York Jets' offense was last night in Foxboro. Just looking out my window makes me want to stay indoors until April. This leaves me with two options 1.) Pack up your shit and move South. or 2.) Straight up hibernate.
A lot of you are probably asking yourselves "How is he going to manage not leaving the building for the next four months?" After some brain storming I've come to the conclusion that this is totally feasible and not completely crazy.
1.) Peapod - A grocery delivery service. The one thing that's really keeping you from staying locked up all winter is the need for food and beverage. Peapod solves this problem by delivering straight to your door therefore never requiring you to drag your ass to the grocery store in the depths of winter.
2.) In-building Gym - Many bro's take the opportunity to use the down-time of the winter doldrums to get fit for next year's boating/beach season. Most buildings have gym facilities on the premise so this one isn't too hard. This will also come in handy to kill time as you will have a lot of it on your hands if you go this route.
3.) Hookers - Although it's winter slaying chicks is always a motivating factor to getting a dude off his ass and forcing him to trudge through knee high snow drifts to get to the bar in the hopes that after dropping a hundo on some broad's drinks he will end up closing the night with some strange. There's a simple solution to this...hookers. If you want to be classy and call it an escort go for it but a spade is a spade. At least this girl will have to come to you...you don't have to hope that the odds are in your favor that she'll go home with you like a bird at the bar...and lastly she leaves when it's over. This can all happen without even changing out of your bathrobe. The thriftier ladies of the game even take credit cards (or so I've heard). A wise man once said "You don't pay a hooker for sex, you pay her to leave after." Truer words have not been spoken. Regardless of how good your game is you're paying for it one way or another...you might as well do so from the comfort of your crib.
4.) On-Demand - You're going to have a lot of time to watch movies. You're going to want a lot of options for watching movies. I suggest subscribing to a few movie packages which will give you a lot of On-Demand options and then there's always pay-per-view. This is a great way to get a non-hooker female over as well since bitches love being invited over to "cuddle" and "watch" a movie. After you send out the mass texts to your female rolodex of "Want to come over for a movie and drinks?" dial up your Peapod delivery driver and have him get some bottles of vino over post-haste. Boom.
5.) A Dope Entertainment Set-Up- Although you don't want to leave your crib for the next four months, or however long it takes for the girls to stop wearing UGGS and start wearing skirts, you're probably going to want to kick it with your boys at some point. Since guys don't talk on the phone, because that's what chicks do, you're gonna need to have a good set-up at the crib for them to want to brave the cold to come kick it. Big screens, big couches, big speakers, and cold beers should get the job done.
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