Observations From My Time In Europe

 

I spent the past few weeks gallivanting about Europe and I made a few observations.  

• Americans really are assholes.  I was at the Musee D'Orsay in Paris trying to be "sensitive" and "artistic" at the Van Gogh and Impressionist exhibits. While I'm quietly trying to walk around and appreciate historical pieces of art there's a group of Americans from my favorite city Philadelphia (note: I fucking hate 99 percent of Philly the sports teams, the fans, the city itself) and all they could talk about were their careers as lawyers and the cases they had to deal with.  Yo assholes you're in motherfucking PARIS with priceless art all around you.  Shut the fuck up and take a look and maybe the rest of the world will eventually cease to hate our country.
• Girls in the EU do it right.  I didn't see a pair of sweat pants or sneakers on a chick in the 3 weeks I was there.  Girls dressed to the nines to go do the groceries and dinner is always on the table when you get home from work.  They say Eutopia is made up but I'm pretty sure I found it.
• Public transportation.  I don't even know where to start.  Shit is to the MINUTE with every single bus and train.  No fucking around if that bus/train stop says the bus is arriving at 5:23:15 that bus/train is there at 5:23:15 +/- 10 seconds.  You can't beat punctuality.
• Speaking of those girls they're fucking gorgeous.  We really need to address this obesity problem in the states.  As my boy Macaulay Culkin once said "Buzz, your girlfriend, WOOF."  As America we're Buzz and our girlfriends are not on point.
• People in general.  We need to stop stressing so much as a country.  I know times are tough and we have a pussy president in office but sometimes you gotta step back and look at your surroundings and just enjoy.  It seems like everyone over there does that.  Granted they have really nice surroundings but their economies all suck too so there's no reason why we have to exist as fucking chumps.  There's a name for that and it's called the Napoleon Complex and last times I checked the world dick meter we measured up pretty well.